why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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