in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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