Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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