If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
