I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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