I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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