My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
