I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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