I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize