My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
