if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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