I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
