It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
