Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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