I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
