i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
