Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
