'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
