I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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