I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
