yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sober January is a disaster.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
