the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
