went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize