I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
