Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
