Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
