Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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