but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
