Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
