i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
