what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i've created a new STD.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
