Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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