i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
