Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
