Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
