So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
