no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
