my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
