Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
