So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
