stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
