you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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