This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
