I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
