I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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