Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
