I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
our cab driver is having phone sex.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
