I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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