she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
