why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
