Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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