nut hugger
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
