THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
