It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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