a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
