Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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