So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
