a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize