he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize