did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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