ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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