well I can't set my house on fire every night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
