me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
