Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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