She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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