Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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