He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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